A Series of Ridiculous Events
by Insanity 101
Summary: One giant culmination of all my insane mumblings...well not all, I would hate to send you jibbering to an asylum. There aren't really any pairings, but I won't restrict myself to that rule. Review please! Written BEFORE Hide and Seek!
1. Robin's Revenge

_Little story that I wrote while extremely bored in Geometry. Complete and utter nonsense…just thought I'd warn you. Beast Boy was slightly inspired by the boys in my class…_

_-_

Raven stumbled to her feet, a small gasp surprised out of her as a squeaky, annoying voice chiseled through her brain.

"I know a song that everybody hates, everybody hates, everybody hates. I know a song that everybody hates and this is how it goooooooes!"

Raven groaned, covering her ears and squeezing her eyes shut. "Here I thought he could sink no lower." His voice became louder and squeakier as he rushed into the second verse of his hellish ditty.

"I know a song that getsonpeoplesnerves, getsonpeoplesnerves, getsonpeoplesnerves. I know a song that getsonpeoplesnerves and this is how it goooooes!"

"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!"

Raven winced as Robin's voice crashed against her eardrums. She had to admit, he had a good pair of lungs.

Insane giggling drifted across the intercom as their resident plant-colored shape-shifter switched gears. "John Jacob Jingle Heimer Smitz! His name is my name too! Whenever we go out, the people always shout, there goes John Jacob Jingle Heimer Smitz! Na na na NANANANA!"

"Beast Boy, IT IS FIVE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING! IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP, I'LL GIVE YOU DOUBLE DISH DUTY FOR A MONTH!"

Raven winced; Robin was serious this time.

"Ha! How can you give me double dish duty if you can't find me, Bird Boy!" Beast Boy took an audible breath, then belted, "JOHN JACOB JINGLE HEIMER SMITZ!"

Raven entered the hallway, then jumped back in shock, barely saving herself from an early grave as a red, green, and black blur rocketed down the corridor, bent on vengeance at any cost. "YOU…BEAST BOY…I'M GONNA _KILL_ YOU!"

A nervous laugh reached her ears, and she could almost see Beast Boy turning a pale shade of green. The fury in Robin's voice was enough to make Satan quiver in his bootstraps. Perhaps he should have left off that nickname…

"Uh…we interrupt this broadcast with breaking news! A rabid Robin has escaped from the local zoo. Zookeepers report that the bird is highly unstable and extremely dangerous. Do NOT approach him...er, itunder any circumstances!"

A roar of fury echoed through the building, chilling Raven's blood. Robin was thirsty for revenge…nothing could stop him now…

A squeal of pure terrorissued from the built-in intercom. "No!…Robin, don't! NO! PLEASE, HAVE MERCY!"

Raven's eyes widened in disbelief as she honed in on Robin's extremely easy to sense emotional signature… He was in the basement, along with Cyborg and the offender.

"We don't want to do this, Beast Boy, but you've given us no choice." Robin's sadistic pleasure was plain in his voice.

Raven flew even faster, bursting through the basement door and searching franticly for the scene of the crime.

"No…NO! You…you monsters! Don't you dare…" A burst of hysterical giggles exploded from a dark corner of the basement.

Raven turned the corner and choked back a laugh of surprise. Beast Boy was pinned to the wall with metal bars, his arms stretched high over his head. The changeling's face was a fascinating mixture of green and purple, his mouth frozen in a grin, his eyes squeezed shut. Robin and Cyborg were bravely attacking his armpits and ribs, an evil grin plastered to both of their faces.

"Care to join us in bringing this hardened criminal to justice?", offered Robin solemnly.

Raven struggled with the desire to giggle, allowing a small, choked laugh to escape her. "Why not?"

"No…n—Stop! HAHAHAHA!"

_And there you have it folks. A shocking look into the little known behind-the-scenes life of the Titans...peace, y'all. _


	2. The Care of Day, part 1

_All right...I'm going to sit down and attempt to write this, but seeing as how I got basically no sleep last night, I might fall asleep on the keyboard. Oh well, I suppose I'll take a stab at it._

_soaring-bright-flame: -bows- Thanks...lol glad my first attempt at humor wasn't a total bomb. Well, in my imagination, they were already there...something of a little prank. You do something naughty, you get locked up in the basement...of course the girls don't apply to that. She figured he was going to smack him around, who knows? Robin is a tad bit unpredictable at times. Sorry for the horrendous wait._

_Furubafun24: LOL thanks, it sounded like something BB would say. Thanks!_

_Aeris-Raven: Here I am, taking a second stab at humor. Same here...I get grumpy with people who interrupt my sleep, especially since it doesn't happen much (same with Robin). Thanks...lol amazingly enough, we have seniors that go around singing them... -shakes head in shame-_

_jambey: LMAO! Yeah I got my fair share in younger years...and every now and then my sister gets bold enough to attempt a stroll down memory lane._

_Sinistra250: LOL thank you, thank you...never thought of myself as the comedian type...hmm._

_teentitan person: Gah I apollogize for the horrible wait._

_Strixvaria: Thanks._

_Rose: LOL a mean little trick of mine...-slaps wrist- She was getting beauty rest I suppose._

_Niki Dee: LALALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!_

_Inferno Wing: Wow thanks! LOL Got Gel...I nearly died. Me neither...that's why it's good that I have no younger siblings. I fear what I would do to them. NO WAY! You're stories are awesome...this was just a bit of nonsense I wrote out of boredom. Can't wait for the next chap of Got Gel? Yep But No Tofu...hilarious. Thanks so much for the review!_

_dont even think of waking me: LOL -bows- thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week!_

_Tifereth Kantrishakrim: LOL eloquent? Here I was thinking I was mumbling nosense. -grins insanely- Yay, I chased away the evil block! Ah! What are you going to do to Robin? AH! Yeah, I can understand Raven's side...but I just felt so aweful for Robin...she is doing him no favors by pushing him away. -grins insanely- Yes, write! Write like mad, and I shall do the same! LOL nah, you for sure have that title. Where are you, anyway? -looks under bed, in closet, in sock drawer-_

_VerticallyxChallenged: LOL no kidding! Yeah...it is Creative Writing, as far as I'm concerned. Oh yes. They are just so well-behaved and adultlike. I think it cut off your review...bummer._

_riawolf: -grins like a fool- Well, it looks like I can be funny after all._

_Reggie Tuesday: LOL thanks...the things I do when bored..._

_Ok so here goes...Oh boy are you in for some fun, Robin! (Robin: -glares suspiciously- I know that look...when you grin like that it usually means trouble for me.) -cackles- Read!

* * *

_

"Friends, I have the most marvelous news!"

Cyborg and Beast Boy were oblivious, staring at the screen with red, puffy eyes. They had been playing for five hours straight, and still the score was tied. Both refused to quit, both certain that they were just one game away from victory.

Raven nodded to acknowledge Starfire's presence, then dove back into the pages of her current book, A Wrinkle in Time.

Robin, who seemed to be on the point of falling asleep in his coffee, looked up at her with glazed eyes. "What? Oh...that's great, Star", he mumbled, stifling a yawn. It had been a long night on the computer, digging up history on any new criminals, etc. The coffee was the only thing keeping his eyes open.

"It is much more than great, Robin! But we must get ready, friends, for we are to leave at the four of the clock!" Starfire glanced at the computer console, then squealed in excitement. "Joyous! It is almost time!"

"That's great, Star", mumbled Robin, busy finding patterns in the countertop.

"Wait a second, Starfire. What do you mean 'leave'? We don't have any plans for the rest of the day." Raven raised an eyebrow at the giggling and bouncing teenager.

"True, friend Raven. Before I journeyed to the mall of shopping, we did not have any plans. But now that I have returned from the mall of shopping, we most certainly do have plans!"

"That's great, Star."

"Gah! Tied again!"

"Starfire, what are these 'plans' you keep ranting about?" asked Raven, shutting her book in frustration.

"We are going to assist the kind man at his school for small Earth children, the Care of the Day!" she exclaimed, leaping in the air and clapping her hands in anticipation.

"That's gre...Care of the Day?" The words finally pierced through the cloud around his head, and his face instantly paled as they sunk in. "You mean...a daycare? Starfire, What Did You Do?"

"Oh, Robin, he is a very nice man...he even bears a certain uncanny resemblance to you! Although his pointy hair is of a much different shade..." Starfire pondered over haircolor for a moment, then her face brightened once again. "Friends, we must make haste if we are to be ready when the small finger is on the number 4!" She raced, or rather, swooped out of the room, giggling happily as she disappeared through the sliding doors, leaving a horrified silence in her wake.

"So...Starfire met some wacko at the mall who managed to rope her, or rather, us into working at some kind of daycare? Well I certainly didn't see this coming," Raven remarked dryly, laying aside her book resignedly.

Robin just blinked, staring at the spot where Starfire had been as though he was engaged in a staring match with Satan himself. "We...I can't...a daycare!...there has to be some way out of this!" Before he could begin formulating an escape plan, however, the moniter clicked on behind him, and he whirled around to face one of the scariest creatures he had ever come in contact with.

"Sup, dawg? So, you're like the Titans, right? Starflower said you guys are like gonna watch the brats for me."

Pink...bright, neon, eye-searing pink. Robin averted his eyes, blinking to clear the horrible color from his vision, mumbling something to the affect of, "It burns...sssss." With a great deal of bravery, our masked hero chanced another glance at the...unique individual before him. He looked something like a walking fridge: covered in various bits of twisted metal shoved through the strangest places with odds and ends of "art" displayed here and there on what was visible of his skin. By the looks of his outfit, he had either gotten dressed in the dark or was completely colorblind. His gravity-defying pink spikey hair clashed horribly with the lime green, lemon, and maroon of his clothing, if it could be called that. Starfire's words echoed in his head as he looked the thing up and down.

"Don't worry. I don't see the resemblance", whispered Raven, leaning in towards him though her eyes were still fixed upon their surprise caller.

"So...uh, do you wanna like talk or what, dudes?" The It mumbled, eyes half-mast as he stared back at the Titans blankly.

Beast Boy, having been about an inch from the screen when the It called, seemed to be convulsing with fear, pain, or both. Cyborg stared open-mouthed, his eyebrow twitching slightly. They were clearly not going to offer any assistance, so Robin felt it was his duty to be...courteous. After all, he was pretty sure it was a human being, and as such, it deserved some semblance of decency. "H...i. I'm uh Robin...and yeah we're the Teen Titans. Can I help you...?"

"Dude, can anyone really help anything anymore?" This question seemed to send him into a very painful process of thought, as he seemed to be drooling, eyes completely blank.

"Riiiiiiight. Well, uh, it was...interesting talking to you." Robin's hand inched towards the monitor to terminate the call, as though afraid that any sudden moves might startle the It.

The It came to Earth with a start. "Oh uh yeah, sorry about that, man. So you're, like, coming at 4, right?"

Robin cringed inwardly. He had almost forgotten...the "Care of Day." "Uh...about that...see, um we were just about to..." he racked his brain for some way out of this situation, "go to a meeting...with the uh Justice League." He cleared his throat importantly, puffing out his chest ever so slightly. "So, as much as we would like to help, we really need to get going for that. You know how Batman gets." He laughed weakly, looking around at his teammates for support...but none came. BB and Cy were too stunned to speak, and Raven was having too much fun watching him stutter.

The It showed the first bit of emotion he had displayed in a good long while: disappointment. "Aw...the kids'll be so bummed, man! They were totally looking forward to your little visit." He heaved a great, dramatic sigh. "Really sorry little dudes...looks like they can't come."

The screen was suddenly filled with the faces of children of more toddlers than Robin could count. It took a minute for the words to sink in, and when they did, all Hell broke loose.

"WHY?" "I'M TELLING MOMMY!" "NO FAIR!" "But...but I WANNA SEE ROBIN!" Next came the tears, huge crocodile ones pouring from their eyes as lips quivered and faces turned red. One little girl seemed to be nearly hysterical. It was, to say the least, an unpleasant sight.

When the wailing reached an unbearable pitch, Robin yelled, "ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! WE'LL DO IT! JUST PLEASE...MAKE IT STOP...make it stop..." He was hunched over in a standing version of the fetal position, hands pressed over his ears and eyes squeezed shut. When silence reigned for a few moments, he cracked one eye open, peering cautiously at the screen. The whaling infants had disappeared, to be replaced once again by the It. He never would have believed it, but compared to what they had before, the It looked almost beautiful.

"Uh...what about your meeting, dude?" asked the It, with something that might have been classified as a smug look if his face wasn't tattooed beyond recognition.

"It…uh…it can wait. So…I…guess I'll uh see you at…" his eyebrow twitched furiously, "4?"

"Right on, dude. See ya then." The It disappeared abruptly, leaving a stunned silence among the Teen Titans. None of them had ever been so afraid in their lives.

* * *

_All righty then, there will be a part 2 and a part 3 if necessary. Tell me what you think…I hope it was funny. If it wasn't, I promise the next one will be oodles better, cuz this is pretty much just the introduction. Laters, everybody! -Dusty_


	3. The Care of Day, part 2

_Nope, this story isn't dead after all. Let's just say I had a horrendous day of babysitting. Trust me, it gave me loads of inspiration. I had inspiration coming out of my ears, I tell you! Um...so yeah, cork it and read!

* * *

_

"Well...I guess this is it."

"Somehow, I find it hard to picture that thing running a day care."

"Oh, he does not walk the Care of Day. His earthly creators are away for the Day of Holly, and they requested that he observe things until their return."

Cyborg's eyebrow reached for the sky. "Then...shouldn't he be the one watching them?"

"Oh, come on!" yelled Beast Boy, grinning in excitement as he balanced the box of Star Wars action figures on his hip. "It's just a bunch of kids! How bad could it be?"

"Do not challenge the fates," said Raven darkly.

"Dudes! There you are! You're, like, three minutes late man!"

The It was, if possible, even more painful in person. "I'm just surprised he can read the clock," muttered Robin, getting a quiet chuckle out of the dark empath. To the It, he grunted, "Sorry?"

The It blinked, a vacant expression on his creatively decorated face. "For what?"

Eyebrow twitching all around.

The It shrugged it off, saying hastily, "Well, gotta go, don't know when I'll be back, have fun!" He disappeared faster than a plate of Cyborg's meat-tastic burgers.

"Sooooooooooo now what do we do?" asked Cyborg, blinking at the dancing bunnies on the window display.

Robin's eyes were narrowed behind the mask, back rigid, face determined as he put a hand on the doorknob. "Now...We Fight."

The creatures looked up from their various activities as the door opened, their vision honing in on the new arrivals. For a moment, all was deadly silent...then, they attacked.

"WOBIN!"

"STAWFUW!"

"CYBOWG!"

"BEAS' BOY!"

"WAVEN!"

Children of small stature were everywhere, tugging at their legs, kissing their shoes, pulling on their clothes; all the while managing to yell, drool, and suck their thumbs.

"Whoa...wait just a--HEY! That is NOT a toy!" Robin's face turned an interesting mix of green and red as he dove forward, trying to catch the kid who had snagged his birdarang.

_"We've got to save Boots, so remember: ocean, grass, Polar Bear Mountain! Say it with me: ocean, grass, Polar Bear Mountain! Ocean, grass, Polar Bear Mountain! Ocean, grass, Polar Bear Mountain! Ocean, grass, Polar Bear Mountain! Tell Dora and Diego to go to the ocean first!"_

"Dude! I am NOT a pacifier!"

"Hey! Cut that ou--Whoa!" The little monstrosity laughed as Cyborg's arm detached from his body and shot across the room, ricocheting off the light fixtures.

Raven watched the commotion with mild amusement from behind her protective shield of energy. She could have restrained them, of course, but where was the fun in that?

As Robin ducked the birdarang without an inch to spare, he lost any patience he might have had. Pulling a whistle from his utility belt, he blew long and hard. All movement ceased as everyone but Raven yelled and covered their ears, eyes screwed up against the piercing shriek.

"All right, listen up!" barked Robin. "You're behavior is unacceptable! It's a dangerous world out there, and if you want to live to see 6, you had better sit down and zip your lips!"

Ringing silence fell as his fellow titans rolled their eyes and the toddlers blinked in astonishment, lips aquiver.

And then came the tears, rolling down their chubby little cheeks as wail after wail emitted from their gaping and more or less toothless mouths. It was amazing that such a large noise could come out of such a small individual.

"Um, friend Robin?" yelled Starfire, a distressed look on her face. "I do not think that was the right approach!"

"Great job, Bird Brain! This ain't boot camp, ya know, Sergeant!"

Robin glared, his ears turning a fiery red. "Well...fine! If you think you can do better, be my guest!"

"Ooh, ooh, I shall try, Robin!" cried Starfire, bouncing up and down excitedly. She stood in front of the wailing crowd and shouted, "Attention, small children of Earth!"

They sniffled a few times, but the crying died down considerably as curiousity overcame hurt feelings. In the newfound silence, Dora made an important announcement.

_"My mommy's having a baby!"_

_"A baby?"_

_"A baby! A baby! A BABY!"_

"You are so cute and fluffy that it pains my heart to see you unsettled! Please, what activity would you like to pursue?"

"You're weird!"

A rather soggy teddy bear hit the overzealous alien in the face as uproarous laughter broke out among the masses and Starfire started her lecture on manners.

Meanwhile, Raven had drifted over to the large television, feeling it was safe to drop her energy shield, since the children were occupied.

_"We have to go to my house, because my mommy is having a baby!"_

_"A baby?"_

_"A baby! A baby! A BABY!"_

"If I was Dora's mother, I wouldn't want her spreading my personal issues all over the animal kingdom." She groaned, twitching slightly as the bilingual seven-year-old's high-pitched voice grated on her nerves. "How can kids stand watching this?"

"We can't. Well...I can't, anyway. I hate this stupid show."

Raven's head swiveled around in surprise to see a little boy with the same look of misery that she currently wore. "You've got one thing right. It's definitely stupid. What's your name?"

"Timmy," he said, hugging his knees and fixing her with a penetrating gaze.

Her eyebrow quirked. "Timmy..." she murmured thoughtfully. Shrugging, she droned, "Whatever. So...what show do you want to watch?"

He handed her a dvd case, casting Dora a disgusted glance.

Raven read the cover skeptically. "_Lilo and Stitch 2: Stitch has a Glitch. _You sure this is better than Dora?"

The boy opened his mouth to reply, but a particularly loud burst of giggles attracted their attention.

"You're a girl!"

"No, I'm not."

She giggled even harder, pulling Robin's cape around him like a dress. "You're a girl!"

The _Boy_ Wonder's face matched his shirt as Beast Boy and Cyborg rolled on the ground laughing. "No, I'm not!"

"Then why are you wearing girl's clothes?" she giggled, making his cape swish back and forth like a ball gown.

Robin jerked it out of her reach. "I'm not!"

The girl looked at him thoughtfully for a moment, a mischievous grin on her face. "You're pretty."

Robin's face went from red to green faster than a traffic light as he stuttered incomprehensibly, the girl giggling and playing with his hair.

Raven's and Timmy's eyebrows went up simultaneously as they intoned, "Ooook."

Averting her eyes, the empath's gaze fell on Beast Boy. The changeling had a small audience.

"Ooh, be a monkey!"

"Be a howsey!"

"Be a dwagon! WOAR!"

"Be a kitty!"

They all stared at Timmy with skepticism and disbelief. He blushed under their gaze.

"I like kitties..."

"You're a dowk!" crowed a chunky boy, turning back to the shape-shifter. "Be a dwagon! Now!"

"Um...I don't know if I--"

"NOW!"

"Ok, ok...sheesh." Beast Boy's eyes scrunched closed, his nose and forehead wrinkling in concentration...

A green dragonfly hovered in the air before them, its wings a flurry of movement.

"Be a dwagon, be a dwagon, be a dwagon!" chanted his audience, clenching their small fists and scowling in disaproval.

A green komodo dragon flicked its long, slithery tongue.

The natives were getting restless. "BE A DWAGON, BE A DWAGON, BE A DWAGON!"

Raven soon tired of watching Beast Boy strain to become a non-existant creature, and cast a quick glance around the room to find Starfire laughing helplessly as six little girls attacked her sides, armpits, and feet (now bootless) while a chubby little boy immobilized her by sitting on her head.

"No! NO! Get that out of your germy little mouth!" yelled Cyborg, tugging on his dismembered arm as the monster on the other end chewed happily on the finger. Teething, no doubt.

All hell had broken loose when a blessed sound blared in their ears, a beautiful little ditty issuing from their communicators like a heavenly chorus...

Robin disentangled himself from the four-year-old, choking out, "Trou--"

"Woops, would you look at that? Better go!"

"I'm afraid I must go participate in the butt-kicking now!"

"Later days, bro!"

The door slammed loudly in his face while Robin was still stuttering. Raven smirked at the betrayed look on his face...and, of course, his newly-braided hair didn't help much either. "Just you and me, it seems. You're on diaper duty."

* * *

_Ha! Yes, I brought in Timmy just for fun...not really him, just one of those "hey wait a minute" things. :P_ _Hope you liked it! -Dusty_


	4. The Care of Day, part 3

_Wow...five whole reviews! I think that's a record:P Oh well...thank you to the five loyal persons who did review this...piece of work. This will be the final part...and I won't really push myself too hard to find new ideas for this, since it doesn't seem to be all that popular. Sorry to those select few. Oh, and go read the note at the beginning of my profile. T+here be an extra helping of Raven torture dead ahead fer the feller Jambey! Argh.

* * *

_

_"Stitch, no! Why are you doing this?"_

_"ROAR!"_

Timmy's eyes were riveted to the screen, along with a few of his fellow playschool mates, eyebrows furrowed in concern for the chubby little hawaiian girl and her unlikely pet.

The rest of the twenty-four-ish (they moved around so much it was hard to count) jungle animals were doing their best to corrupt the innocence of the well-behaved circle. They taunted, teased, pulled their hair, chewed on their clothes, poked them in the eye, anything at all to get their attention away from the little blue alien in the night cap. Indignant yells, evil cackles, and distressed wails filled the air in no time.

"GAH! THERE'S TOO MANY OF THEM! WHAT SHOULD WE DO?"

"Well, for one thing, we could try not to stoop to their _level_," spat Raven, smacking Robin twice on each cheek in an attempt to (literally) knock some sense into him. "They are children, not criminals." Her eyes widened in a light bulb moment as she caught sight of a book case. "You could always take the troublemakers over to the story circle. I'm sure they'd love that."

Robin grimaced, opening his mouth to protest, but Raven had already transported him, the destructive toddlers, and a battered copy of _The Ugly Duckling_ over to the circular, rainbow colored mat. Scowling, the Boy Wonder mouthed something unsuited to children's ears in Raven's direction, but she merely smiled and gestured for him to begin, her gaze never leaving his bright red face.

He growled low in his throat, jaw clenched tightly as though Kitten had asked him for some lip action. Forcing it open with visible effort, he grunted, "Once upon a time, there was a stupid little duck with a hefty inferiority complex. Wallowing in his own self-pity, he made everyone he met sick with his pointless whining and crying until nobody wanted to be around him anymore. This only fueled his hatred for himself, dragging him deeper and deeper into the dark well of deppression until he just couldn't see any joy in his small, insignificant life anymore. And so...he jumped off a cliff. The End!" Robin closed the book (which was still on the first page) with a snap, baring his teeth in what he clearly thought was a smile.

It took a good half-an-hour to stop the water works and convince all the little kids that the ugly duckling lived a long prosperous life with his true family. Raven shot a glare in Robin's direction at regular intervals, clearly miffed because she actually had to interact with the drool machines. Robin felt slightly apologetic, which he attempted to conceal with an unaffected stare.

Annoyed at a slight tugging feeling that had gone on for several minutes, Raven glanced downward...to find a kid not even out of diapers chewing on the hem of her cloak with its slobbery gums. Grimacing, she tugged, but the thing held on. "Great." Now she would either have to touch it or let it ingest her clothing. Not great choices.

_"Well, I don't know...I think maybe...I could win!"_

_"Heellooo! You're a stinky dancer, and anything you do is gonna be stinky!"_

"Why are you weawing bwack?"

Raven drew her gaze away from the newly aquired appendage to fall on the buck-toothed preschooler. "I'm not. I'm wearing black and blue."

He wrinkled his miniscule nose. "Are you some kind of fweak or something?"

She growled, making a mental note to strangle Starfire at the first opportunity for dragging her into this mess in the first place. "I don't know, are you a mindless drool machine?"

Bucktooth blinked stupidly. Unsure of how to respond to her question, he fell back on the default answer. "You'we not the boss o' me!"

Turning her attention back to the problem at hand (or rather, foot), Raven snapped, "Hate to burst your tiny bubble, but actually, I am."

"Mr. Wobin, why do you have bad guy toys?"

_"Next time, flush the evidence."_

_"Ka-woosh."_

"They aren't bad guy toys."

"Those knives are DANGEWOUS!"

Robin pushed away the wandering hands. "Not if you don't touch them."

The little girl responsible for the Boy, I say, _Boy_ Wonder's new look gave him a suspicious stare. "Did you ever poke somebody with those?"

"Um...n--ye--none of your business!"

Her eyes narrowed, though her cronies didn't seem to catch on; they were merely interested in finding a way through Robin's hands to the compartments beyond. "Only bad guys poke people. You ever poked somebody afore?"

"No!" said Robin defensively, his concentration fast wavering as the pursuers gained new hope.

"Lies are naughty. Bad guys lie."

"I'm not a bad guy! Heroes are the opposite of bad guys." He was flustered, and the fact that a four-year-old could make him flustered was making him even more flustered. Not to mention the kids desperate searching was starting to tickle his sides.

Smirking, the demon spawn replied, "If they's not for poking, what's they for?"

Robin muttered something that she, thankfully, did not hear; unfortunately, his distraction had at last come back to bite him in the rear.

"Look! A bouncy ball!"

"NO! DON'T--"

A large cloud of smoke erupted in their corner of the building, obscuring them from Raven's view as the smoke quickly spread through the enclosed space, setting off every fire alarm in the place. The high-pitched squealing was nothing compared to the sprinklers.

"FOR THE LOVE OF &#(&#! #&(&! &#(& #$$#(&! $&(#!"

"Keep going, Robin! There might be a curse you _haven't _ taught them yet!"

* * *

The It made his crooked and unsteady way home, becoming bossom buddies with the curb and a certain fire hydrant on the way. If he could still read the clock, it would have said something along the lines of 2:30...AM. Oh well...who needs clocks anyway? Too bad he forgot to tell the Tree Trunks the kids were sleeping over tonight...those wacky parents of his had come up with Parents Night Out. It was pretty popular, for some reason. Oh well. He was sure they figured it out eventually.

He squabbled pointlessly at empty air for several minutes before locating the doorknob, then shoved his way in, blinking to adjust to the light. The usual sight met his eyes.

Twenty-six kids ranging in ages from one to five years old were collapsed randomly around the room, sometimes occurring in small piles, sometimes sprawled across a stuffed dinosaur. They looked oddly damp, and somewhat blackened, like a steak that's been left on the grill too long. In the very center of the room were the babysitters.

Robin was propped dutifully against a chair, one hand resting on a nearby toddler, his hair poking up in messy braids (Pippi Longstocking style). His head was dropped forward on his chest, a thin but steady stream of drool making its way down his chin to drip slowly on a mop of soggy violet hair. Yes, the empath was curled into a ball with her head in his lap, a children's book cradled against her chest as though it was life itself. The edges of her cloak were frayed, sometimes completely absent, and there was so much soot on her face that the little streams of drool made her look as though she was melting. But she didn't care. What Raven didn't know, couldn't hurt the one responsible.

Not that the It observed any of this. All he noticed was that everyone else was passed out, therefore, he must have permission to as well. Lucky for him, there was still plenty of room on the spaciously accomodating carpeted floor of the Care of Day.

And so, through a series of tedious and controlled experiements, we have come to this conclusion: Teen Titans are not capable of coexisting harmoniously with the species _Infantalia_. If our brave scientists are willing to risk the venture, this hypothesis may some day become a scientific theory. Until then...good luck to them both.

* * *

And so ends the final part of the Care of Day. Hopefully it was funny...if it wasn't, well, that's the last time I attempt to write after a day of school. -Dusty 


	5. BB's Rant

_Hmm…what would you call this? Oh, I think I'll call it a rant. :D Sounds pretty, doesn't it? Let's just say that I'm high and bored and well…you guys wanted more insanity, so here it is._

* * *

Some people just don't get it  
Why does he work all the time anyway?  
I mean, sure, get the job done, but…  
Do you have to kill yourself doing it?  
Why not have fun every so often?  
And gee, would it kill you to smile?  
But no, its always -**dun dun dun-**

"SLADE'S GETTING AWAY!

"STOP HIM!

"GET HIM!

"DO WHAT I SAY!

"TRAP HIM!

"HIT HIM!

…

"SOMETHING-THAT-ENDS-WITH- AY!"

I mean, gosh, what is his PROBLEM?  
Everyone knowshe's a freakin' genius  
With muscles the size of Miami  
And cool hair  
And a mysterious mask that chicks dig, and…

GAH, GET OVER YOURSELF!

YOU'RE NOT THE KING OF THE WORLD!

YOU DON'T OWN THE UNIVERSE!

**SO WHY DO YOU ACT LIKE IT?**

…

_It would be nice  
If Robin had a bad case of lice  
So that he'd think twice  
And be a bit more nice._

Ha! Bet you can't write poetry, can you Robin?  
Lay your eyes on this puppy!

_Sure, Robin has power  
And yeah, he owns Titan's Tower  
But why be so sour?  
With an expression so dour?_

Ha! Bet you don't know what that means!

**Dour: Marked by sternness or harshness; forbidding  
Silently ill-humored; gloomy  
Sternly obstinate; unyielding**

Fits, doesn't it? You're a  
Stern,  
Harsh,  
Forbidding,  
Silent,  
Ill-humored,  
Gloomy,  
Obstinate (know that one too!),  
Unyielding,

FRUIT BASKET!  
WHO'S STUPID NOW, HUH, MR. SMARTY-PANTS?  
**WHO'S STUPID NOW!  
**…  
_That guy Slade  
He's really got it made  
He's lying in the shade  
And givin' you a bad grade_

_Raven thinks you're lame  
Star feels the same  
So go on, take the blame  
Maybe you should change your name!_

_Robin is so stupid  
He…_ugh, starting over

_Robin is a retard  
And_…ARGH!

_Everybody hates Robin  
Cuz_…GAH!

I'M SICK OF THIS DUMB THING! STUPID, STUPID ROBIN! GRR!

* * *

_He…yeah. Expect a rant from each of the Titans, maybe villains too if you like it. Dusty, out. _


	6. Rob's Rant

_Another rant? Sure, I'm ticked enough.

* * *

_

Slackers.  
All of them.  
A freaking bunch of worthless slackers.

We get a call for help.  
Do they hop right out of their seats?  
Heck no, they're too busy playing Kingdom Hearts to hear the stupid thing!

A villain's escaping.  
Do they take the initiative and go after him?  
Of course not, they wait for ROBIN to tell them what to do.

_"ROBIN, what should we do?"  
__"ROBIN, what should we say?"  
__"Where are you going, ROBIN?"  
__"Why aren't you helping, ROBIN?"  
__"Please breathe for us, ROBIN!"_

YOU HAVE A BRAIN!  
WHY DON'T YOU USE IT EVERY NOW AND THEN,  
JUST TO SHAKE THINGS UP A LITTLE!

Oh, and Beast Boy…don't even get me started  
He _won't_ do his chores,  
He _won't _listen to orders,  
He _openly _mocks me,  
He _jokes _about things that are  
_Life-and-Death _serious.  
He's just an…an…  
IMMATURE IDIOT!

Oh, and Cyborg?  
Yeah, he's too all-fired smart to listen to anyone.  
He knows EVERYTHING, Cyborg does.  
Why should he listen to a lowly human?  
Why should he take orders from someone who doesn't have  
Stupid, Overrated, Worthless POWERS!  
He thinks he's better than me just because  
He has a sonic cannon  
And a computer for a brain  
And x-ray vision  
And—  
WHO CARES? NO ONE!

Starfire's nice, hurray for that  
But…she's just not…the brightest light in the chandelier  
Know what I mean?  
_"What is a driver of screw, Robin?"  
__"Why do you say 'cool' when the room is quite warm?"  
__"Does Slade travel the Path of Psycho?"  
_I mean…how do you explain?  
And her voice, ugh!  
Her voice is like fingernails on a chalkboard  
She talks loud enough to wake China!  
I swear I've gotten more broken bones from her "hugs" than Slade!

Oh, and _Raven_!

…

Raven…she—

…

Well…maybe things aren't so bad after all.

* * *

_-sniggle- I never promised that there wouldn't be pairings. Next...Starfire.-Dusty_


End file.
